So far I have only been able to read about self-isolation from a more or less negative point of view – it stops people physically meeting and a domino effect takes place: they do not have so much sex, the sex toy online shops have an outlet offering to buy more toys, technology has an outlet through offering an option of virtual sex, bloggers and podcasts have an outlet writing and talking about all this and so on.
The underlying trend is that everybody needs more action and are rearing to go to the desirable destination as soon as their restrictions are lifted. Most are referring to life as it used to be, longing for the same comfort, wanting to go back to the way it was before.
Of course, most of the “before” is not bad at all and it’s only natural that most are longing for whatever or whoever it is they are longing for. BUT!
I consider self-isolation a tool to end an undesirable relationship. Or minimise unwanted attention. Or give yourself time to re-think your partnership.
It goes without saying that this can only be executed when self-isolation keeps people apart physically. If you really want to stay away, there are many ways, one just needs to add a drop of paranoia – real or imagined:
“My immune system is compromised, you know that! My doctor told me to stay strictly on my own, no outside contact. As long as necessary. I trust you, I trust, but you can be a carrier – there is no way of knowing. Uber Eats is my only outside contact.”
“My mum has diabetes and my dad – hypertension. I cannot risk their health.”
“I am concerned – I woke up with a headache and I cannot stop sneezing.”
“You’ve been out shopping? How are you sure you’re not asymptomatic? I am sorry, I cannot risk my life.”
“Blah, blah, blah.”
If you have lied at least once in your life, the above and any other similar option should be fairly easy to guilt-trip your undesirable into physically distancing themselves. Once a distance is established, be aware that your undesirable will use all other possible channels to keep in touch – texts, calls, video, gestures of affection through postal services, Uber Eats treats.
When people live together or go out for an occasion, they unwittingly adjust to each other’s frequency:
They read each other’s mood and body language, they see and know what the other is doing. You both (or all) encounter the same drunken aggressor on the same train, you hear the same joke, you laugh together, you react together, you defend each other together – your emotions align almost perfectly (unless you have a very different sense of humour). The other has all that information and can use it to their advantage to press your buttons. And this is a very powerful tool that brings people together and keeps them together, sometimes even unnecessarily so – togetherness breeds familiarity, familiarity, in turn, breeds comfort. Luckily, all this can be minimised.
Physical distance causes emotional misalignment
Think long distance relationship. Perhaps you just watched a comedy and your undesirable just watched a documentary on animal cruelty. Perhaps you just signed a new contract at work and your undesirable lost one. Perhaps you had a wonderful coffee on your balcony, with the morning sun caressing your feet, making you want to masturbate and your undesirable burnt their tongue on hot porridge. You no longer need to suppress your emotion at a moment’s notice and this, my friends, is emotional distancing!
When your undesirable calls to complain about their burnt tongue and you have just had an orgasm, would you want – or need – to switch your emotional state to that of the other?
It’s a post-factum description, it’s a late emotion and we do not connect to them so easily.
Would you pick up your phone next time? Of course, I am ONLY talking about desirable distancing from the undesirables.
If you managed to lie before and establish physical distance between you, what stops you from not picking up the phone or saying that you are on a conference call (there is a lot of work with that new contract) or already in bed, or tired? Your undesirable is not there to read you – use it to your advantage. How would they guilt-trip you if you do not speak to them or read their texts? Of course, they may go an extra mile and turn up at your door and sit there on your doorstep and demand – at the height of their frustration – that you see them, but you are not leaving your flat anyway, so they can just stay there mouthing their displeasure until one of your neighbours calls the law in.
If the undesirable is of a stalker-nature, you may be in a conundrum of a different kind, but generally, if you do not disperse your attention the way you used to, your undesirable would seek the attention elsewhere. Not everybody is as “isolated” as you, so they may get onto somebody else’s emotional frequency and you may be free.
Your attention most probably had already shifted to a new object of online desire midway your own distancing exercise – it’s not like your only pastime is consuming ordered meals.
To your new beginnings!
I wish you well.