I talk to many people online, delightful people – open and uninhibited. They tell me their surprising stories, describe their unusual relationship setups. They talk and ask freely. I listen, I reply and I never judge. Nobody should ever judge another person as long as their actions are not hurting anybody – this is my attitude towards everything.
And all those stories are accumulating, pushing out older ways, older, less relevant stories. I have not read much into this replacement of information within the brain, but it happens – new replaces old.
Stories, especially someone else’s, may not stick in your mind for as long as your own experiences, but I always thought that people with who I have had sex at least once and I no longer keep in touch with, providing I was not drunk, high and all that, would definitely be easy to remember.
I was wrong. You CAN forget your sexual partners and unless something reminds you of them, you would never remember, you would not “activate” them, no matter what, because the trigger is not there.
One of the online chats did exactly that – reminded me of a person who my Dom at the time organised for me for a one-off fuck.
My Dom was a voyeur and we had a symbiotic relationship – I would fuck and he would watch.
He was respectful and caring, he would always ask if I had anything against a colour of skin or age, which I never do. Skin colour never bothers me, I was not sure why he always asked. Age, perhaps one could argue – very much different from your own, either up or down, perhaps is not your kink in particular, perhaps it is, on the other hand. One must also know if your partners are of legal age, this is important. In any case, I had a choice to have sex with a man around 15 years younger than me, he was 20. And he made me laugh.
I would really like to know what men feel when they are called for such an “occasion”. I never knew what my Dom said (“I have a woman for you to fuck” or “Do you have time at 4 on Thursday?” or “Come at 5pm for a good fuck”?). It’s a mistery to me but whatever is said, makes the men eager. They always – without fail – turn up and turn up on time. I have never seen a deviation from this at all, ever.
So, my youngster turned up, on time. He looked 20, he was a handsome young man. Young to a point where his eagerness was overflowing his boundaries. He was smiling so widely that at points you could see a bit of a Joker in that smile. He talked and he joked and he did that smartly. To add to that, his cock was big and as eager as he himself, an extension of his happiness, so to say.
He jumped on me like an excited rabbit and he – without exaggerating it – fucked like a rabbit, he was so quick!
What caught me off guard a couple of times during sex and made me bite my lip was a very funny thing: he would fuck and then, somehow, his cock (although big) because of the immense speed he was fucking at, would slide out of me and for some 10 seconds – I am not joking – he would still “fuck” the air until he realised that he was OUT out.
This happened several times, but it did not seem to bother him – AT ALL. He finished as enthusiastically as he started and kept smiling and being elatedly happy until I I left him.
I still, though, cannot remember his name and his face is blurry, this will most probably never come back.
Is this relevant? The features of another? Or do you only remember them because they at some point so closely connected to you that you actually only remember yourself and you only remember them because were there, at that point of recollection, with you? But as soon as they “detached”, they became themselves and were destined to be forgotten or at least very blurry. Do we really just remember ourselves and immediate periphery of that? Does the memory fade quicker because the number of partners gets higher? What exactly do we remember? Is it a smell or situation, words or pain, orgasm or face?
(In all honesty, I don’t mind forgetting him. I just need to make sure it’s not an onset of early dementia.)
Tell me – who has come back to you?